Big Feet?

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG!                                                                    October 18, 2013

By author Bryce A Baker

BIG FEET?

Second in the three, is the show on television by the name of ‘Finding Bigfoot’. Not defacing all the Good Investigators’ that actually have legitimate credentials, I evaluate this program as a Government Conspiracy to cover up the real truth with stupidity. If a creature named Bigfoot does exist, this show will protect their anonymity.

After I do an article, I receive feedback stories and opinions touching on that subject. However, somehow my ‘Bigfoot’ article leaked out prior to release and I received an email giving their opinion. Normally I wouldn’t rewrite an article with such an event but in this case I feel it is warranted. The following is a copy of that email to me.

“To: Mr. CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG!;

My name is Mr. B. Foot and I have been following your articles for some time, and have determined that our story needs to be told. If you feel that it is worthy of telling, you have our permission to post it.

For centuries the humans have been searching for us and we have tried to stay hidden, but our home is being slowly taken over by the Humans. Our ‘Anti-Being Found’ teams have done great work in masking our existence with misinformation and our skeptic groups. Fortunately for us, most humans aren’t interested in the truly unknown.

I need to clear up a few things so maybe we can just get these strange people off our trail. When we hear the human by the name ‘Bobo’ (Expert Field Caller) calling us, it is extremely difficult keeping our group from bursting a gut from laughing. His call is in the wrong dialect and is actually saying, “I’m lonely and need a girlfriend!” When the others call we hear it as a yell we have when we are constipated.

No we aren’t attracted to, or curious about, fireworks lit off in the middle of fire season. No we don’t respond to a baby doll crying in the middle of nowhere. Yes we smell but can you imagine the cost to us for razors and deodorant. Yes we leave footprints…what do expect for weighing eight hundred pounds. The antique siren wakes our babies. Yes we sometimes go in and around human homes… How do you think we get free internet?

We really appreciate the female member of the show that plays ‘the sceptic’. We need more… ‘drama’ in our programming. And their ‘Bigfoot Files: True or False’… RRRIIIGGGHHTT!!! Porcupines don’t eat our bones and we use ‘bear spray’ on our vegetables! Daniel Boone did not shoot one of us! Who do you think gave him his raccoon hat for Christmas!?

In closing we wish to thank the producers of the show for making sure no one discovers our existence. My wife though, has been in therapy for years now because of the harassment, so if this doesn’t stop we will be forced to retain a lawyer and take legal action. And can someone please tell ‘BOBO’ we are BIGFOOTS’ and not SQUATCH’S.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Mr. B. Foot the 37043 rd.”

Wow! What can I say after that? I thought I was the only one that found the show as a great example of useless Reality TV.

Please... CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG!

Bryce A Baker 

www.bryceabaker.com

To Ghost or to Not Ghost

 

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG!                   October 4, 2013

By author Bryce A Baker

To Ghost or to Not Ghost

As a break from the harsh reality of my usual rants, I am going to write on my favorite humor source; Reality TV. This is the first of three. My first target is ‘Ghost Hunters’, on this subject I have some experience. When I built a home in Victoria on an old homestead acreage, we soon discovered it had a spiritual squatter. To shorten a very long story about ‘Herbie’, he was extremely vigilant in causing a disturbance. So being of open mind, I watch ‘Ghost Hunters’ with substantial interest… BUT considering my investigation background, the show presents itself as an endless source of material for stand-up comedy. Even though I believe there is a void in our reality that presents these spirits to irritate the living, the show is convincing me to the contrary.

Show after show we are entertained with buildings of old that the translucent entities captivate our attention. The crew of hunters are well equipped to capture sound and visual but, unconfirmed sounds and touch relinquish any belief the spooks exist. A camera man follows the pairs of spook chasers but as the investigators share a vision of an encounter, the camera is focused on the investigators face, then pans to the area, then back to the face. At that time another vision is announced. KEEP the camera where it is of some purpose. Facial expression of encounter and drama seems to miss the target. Pun intended. A head mounted camera may serve a purpose!!

As the team enters a predisposed area of spirit encounters, they practically yell to the tenant that they want to talk to them and try to build a relationship of trust. Then the team whispers to each other. I guess spooks can’t hear quiet conversation.

Personally if I were a ghost and encountered the team trying to expose me, I would be exploding in laughter. Mind you, without my hearing aids they have me beat when they’d whisper. Now even though I get great entertainment with the show, they are convincing me that ‘Herbie’ is a figment of mine, and many others imagination.

Because of my beliefs these spirits are of Demonic origin, and ‘Herbie’ showed that. But my understanding of this subject matter is up for controversial debate. I have been married three times so after my departure from this world, I threatened to come back and haunt them. Now even though this would be a great idea, the plan now is to request the Ghost Hunter team to come play. Not to worry, I won’t scare them toooo much, and it will probably give them another season of Reality TV. Oh! Just to clarify, I wouldn’t be a Demonic spirit, just a ghost with too much time on my hands and many years of fun to look forward to with ex’s. My real goal would to be the best Ghost writer ever. 

There are some feed off shows like Ghost Hunters International and Ghost Hunters Academy where potential Hunters learn their craft. So maybe I will take courses in Spookology, learn to speak ‘Spook’ and join the team.

In all seriousness, if my day job was plumbing, the thought of chasing ghouls at night would be very tantalizing too.

In closing I have one question for them. “Why do they turn off all the lights and use night vision cameras?” All the reports have been in plain sight by the ‘Spookees’, guess the ‘Spookers’ don’t wear sheets at night. Any way I’m glad there are people seeking answers to questions that over curious people like me don’t need answered, but now I can safely walk at night through a graveyard and know that if I whisper, they won’t know I’m there.

Please... CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG!

Bryce A Baker

www.bryceabaker.com